He’s Alive!

August 1, 2015

Mike, its taken 6 years to return us to a Friday night and Saturday morning. The actual days you went on ahead. It is surreal.  As I wake at 4am and again at 06:30 this song is in my mind. Love you buddy. Dad

The gates and doors were barred and all the windows fastened down,
I spent the night in sleeplessness and rose at every sound,
Half in hopeless sorrow half in fear the day,
Would find the soldiers crashing through to drag us all away.
Then just before the sunrise I heard something at the wall,
The gate began to rattle and a voice began to call,
I hurried to the window and looked down to the street,
Expecting swords and torches and the sound of soldiers feet,

There was no one there but Mary so I went down to let her in,
John stood there beside me as she told us were she’d been,
She said they moved him in the night and none of us knows where,
The stones been rolled away and now his body isn’t there.
We both ran toward the garden then John ran on ahead,
We found the stone and the empty tomb just the way that Mary said,
But the winding sheet they wrapped him in was just an empty shell,
And how or where they’d taken him was more than I could tell.

Something strange had happened there but what I did not know,
John believed a miracle but I just turned to go,
Circumstance and speculation couldn’t lift me very high,
Cause I’d seen them crucify him and then I’d watched him die,
Back inside the house again all the guilt and anguish came,
Everything I’d promised him just added to my shame,
But at last it came to choices I denied I knew his name,
Even If he was alive it wouldn’t be the same.

But suddenly the air was filled with a strange and sweet perfume,
Light that came from everywhere drove shadows from the room,
Jesus stood before me with his arms held open wide,
And I fell down on my knees and clung to him and cried,
He raised me to my feet and as I looked into his eyes,
Love was shining out from him like sunlight from the sky,
Guilt and my confusion disappeared in sweet release,
And every fear I’d ever had just melted into peace.

He’s alive, He’s alive, He’s alive and I’m forgiven,
Heavens gates are open wide.
He’s alive, He’s alive, He’s alive and I’m forgiven,
Heavens gates are open wide.
He’s alive, He’s alive, He’s alive and I’m forgiven,
Heavens gates are open wide

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Making peace with the “Re” in our lives that does not happen!

March 10, 2015

The paramedics tried to Re-suscitate Mike ,they could not.

I wanted to Re-count to a family of 5, we are 4

Can I not Re-turn to having a son, I have 2 daughters

The “Re” is the desire to go back to a previous state. We use words like rebuild, restore, redeem, return and renew to articulate that desire. But what happens when the “re” does not happen? How do I move forward in a healthy way? How to I transition from where I was,  accepting the loss and now finding I am at a new place, more often than not, not by my choosing?

Oh and then we say have faith, pray more! Well the divorce went through, the business collapsed, the cancer continued, the redundancy went through. The Re was absent! I don’t have an answer here, sorry. All I can do is cry with you and walk with you as you look at the new landscape after the storm has wash away what was norm.

My story with regard to Mike is a little different. I can honestly say that today, I do not want to return to that place. How an earth can I say that? Well it has to do with my faith and hope in the Redemptive Story. I believe the words of Paul in the Holy Scriptures that says

 Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord: (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord. “ 2 Cor 5

Mike has been Re-stored, Re-united and Re-turned in completeness. He is with His Heavenly Father. Whilst I am missing him, I know he is in the best place I could want for him. If he were to have been Re-suscitated he would only have to die later anyway! So within the Redemptive Story I can say 5 ½ years on “I do not want to re-turn” to having a son present, I do have a son, its just he went on ahead!


July 31, 2014
He is alive! Sun rise Aug 1st 2014 Inchon, Sth Korea

He is alive! Sun rise Aug 1st 2014 Inchon, Sth Korea

A beginning starts with an end. On this 5th anniversary of Mike’s death I wake early before the sun rise here in Inchon, South Korea with the word’s “He’s alive, He’s alive, I’m forgiven Heaven’s gates are open wide”

John 20

Now on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene *came early to the tomb, while it *was still dark, and *saw the stone already taken away from the tomb. So she *ran and *came to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and *said to them, “They have taken away the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid Him.” So Peter and the other disciple went forth, and they were going to the tomb. The two were running together; and the other disciple ran ahead faster than Peter and came to the tomb first; and stooping and looking in, he *saw the linen wrappings lying there; but he did not go in. And so Simon Peter also *came, following him, and entered the tomb; and he *saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings, but rolled up in a place by itself. So the other disciple who had first come to the tomb then also entered, and he saw and believed. For as yet they did not understand the Scripture, that He must rise again from the dead. 10 So the disciples went away again to their own homes.

11 But Mary was standing outside the tomb weeping; and so, as she wept, she stooped and looked into the tomb; 12 and she *saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been lying. 13 And they *said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She *said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him.” 14 When she had said this, she turned around and *saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus. 15 Jesus *said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” Supposing Him to be the gardener, she *said to Him, “Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have laid Him, and I will take Him away.” 16 Jesus *said to her, “Mary!” She turned and *said to Him in [a]Hebrew, “Rabboni!” (which means, Teacher). 17 Jesus *said to her, “Stop clinging to Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I ascend to My Father and your Father, and My God and your God.’” 18 Mary Magdalene *came, announcing to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord,” and that He had said these things to her.

How important it is to have a body to bury as a part of the process of dealing with grief. There is something special about a person’s body to the family, to those who loved the person, especially mum, dad, brothers and sisters. It’s a time of utter confusion, pain, disbelief, loss, end, death, anger…. I know how Mary found comfort in coming to the place where her son was laid to rest. But to the find the body has disappeared would be horrendous. “Who has defiled my son’s body? How can they do this? I am already in such pain and now they put more on me”

In her pain and tears and grief, Mary see’s a gardener, but that is not who He is. Who do I see in my grief, pain and confusion? What is so loving is Jesus is not indignant to Mary, the one who has just done the unthinkable, doesn’t have an attitude of ego, He says one word and it’s her name, He does not say, “I am Jesus.” Oh my giddy aunt, Jesus say’s Mark, Kathy, Akila, Laura today as he did 5 years ago. That’s all I need and like Mary, I no longer see a gardener but I can say “I have seen the Lord”

Jesus is still in the business of revelation today and calling us by name. When was the last time you heard Him call your name? He loves us and died for us. So today, I rise early on Logos Hope, a name that is both Greek and English. Logos = the living word, Jesus. Hope = a sure confidence, not an aspiration. So my confidence is in Jesus. Mike’s beginning started with an end, death proceeds life. So today, as we in Korea and the girls in England thank God for Mike’s life and celebrate his new beginning, we also thank God for Jesus conquering death and just saying our names. That’s enough for me!


What do I consider treasure and what do I do with my treasure?

October 22, 2013

What do I consider treasure? Is this just in the physical or can it also be in the abstract? I realised that “Mike was my treasure and he has gone on ahead”. Over the past couple of years I have contemplated about life events that are “mile stones” and I ask myself the question whether they define me or ruin me, whether I can use them for a greater purpose or whether they paralyze me. Whether I see them as “bags of gold” and use them to invest or do I just bury them and neither see multiplication or addition.

The Parable of the Bags of Gold

14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag,[a] each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

As a family we have decided to give our story, our pain, our weakness, our ordinary to Father God and ask Him to use it for His Kingdom. I wonder at times how God can use a simple ordinary family who live in a simple ordinary house in a simple ordinary road. But we have story after story how God has taken our little treasure and given us opportunity for multiplication and addition.

I want to encourage others with their stories and treasures to not be paralyzed by grief and pain but with tears and confusion see what Father God can do when we come to Him and ask Him to use our treasure for His Kingdom.  What gives me such a buzz is to see the way God uses what I consider treasure and use it to help others. What I consider gold, others consider to be worthless, I have seen God take the worthless and make it priceless! Go on get that treasure out!

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We have footprints here….

January 30, 2013

Many people have found great comfort in the “Foot Prints in the Sand”  prayer, poem, lyrics. The authorship is debated but what it highlights for me is that we have predecessors. Now I know that is not at all the intent of the  author! Isnt it good to know others have gone before in all walks of life. The fact the the book of Job in the scriptures is as far as we know the first recorded writings of God, even though man has put it in the middle of the Bible! God wanted us to know that suffering is a part of life and how to walk the road.

I believe the wise person will take note of others whose footprints go before us and learn from them, both the good and the bad, the failures and successes. We don’t have to walk alone. We live in a very privilege age where knowledge is readily available to us concerning all areas of life. There is a stark difference between the person who has there own footprints and those who have studied at a distance. Whilst the former may not be eloquent in communication, they have tacit knowledge; that whilst their experience and interpretation may be  quite different to ours, they may have just one or two insights that can be so beneficial to us as we create our own footprints.

There is nothing new under the sun. If you are thinking or experiencing it, you can guarantee so are others. So dont walk alone!


“God, its completed, you kept your end of the bargin!”

September 17, 2012

“The issue is closed”

 On Monday this week I went up to the grave side to see Mike and chat to God. I needed to say to God and tell Mike “The issue is closed”.

When the paramedics were in with Mike, I stood on the landing outside his room holding the rail, stamping my feet and saying “God I will be pissed off is something eternal does not come out of this”. Who am I to talk like that to God? But in His loving kindness He just likes it when we communicate with Him. I know He understood my emotion and confusion at that time.

Of course we have seen some wonderful evidence of eternal fruit over the past 3 years. There are several stories I could tell, but Mysterious? just blew us all out of the water. Every day we hear of more people who have now started walking with Father God or who are stepping closer to Him. I don’t measure spiritual issues as its impossible to quantify what God does. I like a phrase Eugene Peterson uses in The Message, “arithmetic is not God’s focus”, but the stories numerous.

I needed to draw a line and say “It’s finished”. Not that more fruit will not come over the months and years, but that little rant on August 1st 2009 I had at God is over. He has “kept His end of the bargain”, even though He never entered into it! The issue is over and I am so grateful that Mike’s death has produced “life”.


God’s Greatness, God’s Goodness

September 16, 2012

As I was driving Richard to a meeting he was telling Kathy and I a bit of his spiritual journey. He talked about God’s FITness program. What God had done For him, In him and Through him. When it came to the For him part he talked about experiencing God’s Greatness, seeing the power of God’s arm.

Colourful friends, George and Richard at Mysterious?

Since Mike’s death, I have read Job several times and it is becoming one of my favorite books. For 37 chapters we have the depressive dialogue with Job’s three friends. All pontificating about why “bad things happen to good people”. They have all the answers! Then in chapter 38, God steps into the scene and tells Job and his friends all about his creation, in other words we see God’s greatness and he questions how mere mortals can have all the answers.

Richard asked the question to God, ” I know you are great and I know you are good, but when have you been good to me?”. Richard had seen the strong arm of God but he wanted to experience the loving heart of God.  What I like about scripture is that it demonstrates God is not afraid of our waffle and babbling! He just like’s honest chat, even if we are wrong! But then we see God’s goodness to Job, its says “God bless Job’s later life more than his earlier life”.  Job says, “My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you”.

We as a family can say that in the eye of the storm, we have seen both the greatness and goodness of God. Mysterious? was a beautiful example of that. I like Job have been blessed with beautiful daughters. I am a millionaire on a lemonade budget!


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