I did not think to visit you on your birthday!

January 21, 2012

Our behaviour demonstrates values, emotions, goals, our view on life…..I am very surprised, not saddened, that I did not think to visit Mike at the grave yard two days ago on his 21st birthday. What does that say about where I am at with the loss of my buddy?

I have read extensively over the past 2 1/2 years on loss, grief and shattered dreams. Some writing I found helpful and could relate and other I either disagreed or did not experience the same emotions or perspective of the writer. Two people I particular warm to is Bob Sorge and Larry Crab. Both these men have had life changing dramatic events that has taken the faith they had, the so called “happiness” they experienced, smashed the dreams and aspirations they pursued and caused them to sit in the chair like me and struggle to find a compass that is not spinning.

BUT like me, they have experienced something we never knew we could have, we did not know what we did not know. God has taken our “happiness” and used sadness and loss to give us “Joy”. Now this is the mystery and I struggle to explain myself. As I read Bob Sorge’s writings, I sat there saying “Yes, Yes, Yes, that is exactly it, I know precisely what you are saying”. Why did I not think to visit Mike? I woke that morning, sat in Mike’s room and enjoyed reading about the life of Moses and the Children of Israel and then headed into the park to walk , think and  listening to a song by Darlene Zschech “Love You So Much” There are times when the emotional and spiritual connect in such a way that I experience a joy what defies the logic of my circumstances. As I sung along to this song, expressing the words as a prayer of heart desire and thankfulness to God, that Mike was celebrating his 21st in the presence of God. I enjoyed surmising and having some lateral thinking that he was as proficient as anyone could be at playing the guitar and with his friends was so enjoying the freedom that comes from seeing the Father’s face that not only was he doing the most amazing praise jamming possible with his guitar but he was also making uninhibited dancing with his mates who were laughing at his extravagant joy! Mean while, back on earth in the park, I watched the sun’s rays shoot up from behind a cloud and with much joy worshipping God in the full knowledge that like Mike, one day I too will no longer see dimly, no longer will His face be behind the cloud, but I will see Him face to face, I will know Him in full as I am known in full. Through the pain and the loss, I have discovered a treasure. God has revealed Himself to me in a way I had not previously experienced. Today I do not walk on cloud 9, I experience all the normal human emotions, I am not the same person I was 2 1/2 years ago, the dreams and aspirations I had have been replaced, I have experienced God in a way that will change the way I live for the rest of my days on earth. Mike’s birthday was more about God than it was about Mike. As Kathy said, “It was an ordinary day”, I would agree on the physical, but on the spiritual, I cherish my little secret!

Happy 21st Birthday Mike – buy Mike a small present through The Michael Knight Trust

January 19, 2012


We have more opportunities in 2012 to support young people developing their musical worship skills and gifting. Requests are coming from individuals in the UK, India and a ministry in Turkey where a summer worship camp is held for young people who desire to learn how to lead worship in their gatherings. Would you consider making a small contribution today.

Please visit The Michael Knight Trust Site

Pontification on subjects we have little experience in.

January 13, 2012

Pontification = “to speak in a pompous or dogmatic manner”. The word is often associated with religion and some person higher up the ladder talking with “authority”. I continue to ponder over my experience of the past 2 and 1/2 years, especially as Mike would have turned 21 next week.

One of the “de-briefing issues” is people who pontificate with little or no life experience in the topic of grief or loss of a child. They try to bring encouragement and counsel but its based on theory or their own perspective on how we should behave or respond, but they are void of reality.

This leads me to think how often I pontificate on subjects I have little or no experience. So rather than talk, I should listen and ask questions. Oh dear, I realise I am a great pontificator!!!


Tunday asks you to support the Michael Knight Trust on January 19th, Mike’s 21st

January 11, 2012


Akila and Tunday on Hadrians Wall

Tunday is a young artist who loves Jesus and has a growing influence among young people. The Michael Knight Trust has invested in Tunday and continues to invest in him. Here are a few words from Tunday, please check out his links bellow,

“The Michael Knight Trust isn’t only a Trust fund, but an inspiration legacy left behind by a young man who was passionate about worship. This has now impacted the lives of thousands of young people across the world. I am an example of this. The MK trust made it possible for me to express my worship in another country (Germany 2011) at an international youth camp speaking into the lives of thousands of youths who benefited from what the Lord has done for me.  Please continue to change many lives and make many dreams come true by supporting this. We are in this together. – Tunday of Writeway-Music “








Happy 18th Birthday Laura

January 9, 2012

My little girl turns 18!

From the day she was born, her face was too small to fit the permanent smile God gave her. I have never known Laura wake without that radiant smile. “A happy heart makes a happy smile”. What a joy to have 18 years of her company! Love you loads Lozzy, Sharkus!


The lessons we think we have learnt!

January 3, 2012

Can you relate to discovering a great truth, principle, reality, value etc and say to yourself, wow that is how I wish to live my life…and for a while you practice it, but then LIFE draws you away and before you know it you have forgotten all about that great nostalgic thought that you wanted to weave into your life, then one day you remember and think, darn, what happened, I slipped straight back!

So then what? I either become despondent or say, lets try again.

Whats my issue? Well a man facing death thought of  “I no longer choose to be right”! Well that’s simple, I am right in my own eyes!!! Oh how I mess up with my Kathy on that one. I find myself at odds with “I no longer have to be right”. Its not that we set out to “win”, its a basic fact that we default to a view that we are right. Its so liberating when we choose no longer to be right.

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