Both Kathy and I have admitted to irrational fear about the girls. The other day I returned mid day to the house to find Akila still not up, it was 1:30 pm. She is 22 and doesnt have a job at present, so wouldnt logic tell you a youth in that situation would still be asleep! I could not hold back any longer, I had to go and wake her, she was totally snuggled in and I could not see her face. All I need to see is a movement or hear a breath. “Oh God please not again” is the thought as I put my hand on her…..and of course you get the “what do you want”……Oh how I love that belligerent youthful response…….its far nicer than silence!
Kathy has started to say “I am unapologetic that I am complex…..I am made in God’s image!” We are complex and the emotional impact of a painful experience can lie in wait in the recesses of our minds and heart. My concern is not that I have this fear, its whether or not I allow it to govern negative behaviour. Yes I know with my head, I trust God, He is in control, blah blah blah but its getting the head and the heart in this area aligned.
Kathy is in the Ukraine for work and every day I can see her online and we type to each other via Skype. She told me a story the other day of one of the team members who had been attacked several years ago. Yesterday I could not see her online and in those recesses, I started to worry. Again this morning she was not online…..but then down in the right hand corner of the screen 20 minutes later….”Kathy has just signed in”. Oh what relief!
Yes we are complex!