We have moved into another new phase in our grief journey. Mike’s life was planned out until September 2010. He was accepted into Nexus College in Coventry, UK for a year. During this past 12 months we have discussed how he might have got on and the what next scenario’s. Would he want to stay for a 2nd year? Would the finances be there for that? Would the tutors offer him a place for a 2nd year? Would he be disappointed that he was not able to do what he wanted after Nexus? Would other doors of opportunity of opened for him? Would he come home and have to get a job? As parents you naturally worry over your kids. Some kids give you more concern than others! Akila has been very purposeful her whole life and has never given concern. She is a self-starter and takes lots of initiative. Laura is excellent academically and doors will naturally open for her. Mike on the other hand was neither good academically or had much drive to make things happen, he relied a lot on us for help. All of that thought is the Human Story.
Now the Faith Story. God knew the very days of Mike’s life and he forenew that from August 1st, 2009 Mike would be with him in Heaven. Whilst we fret he knows the whole story. God knew from Mike’s conception that he would only be on this earth for 18 1/2 years. God provided for Mike for those 18 1/2 years and he would have provided and lead for a further 20 years if Mike had needed. That may or may not of ment we had to continue to walk step by step with him to discover the journey and realise his passion and purpose.
Vision, Faith and Action have to all be a part of our journey. Akila has wanted to work with children in Brasil since she was 13. That is a future state of what she can imagine. There are elements where that is humanly possible and there are elements where that is a real faith challenge. She has worked incredibly hard for 10 years to achieve academically. We so often forget just how debilitating her hearing disability is. As far as we know she is the first on Kathy’s side of the family to obtain a degree.
A great man on his death bed said “may your vision be bigger than your capacity”. I hope many of us will see a future state that is beyond the human reality. That we will see what God sees. Jesus said of Jairus’s daughter she is asleep, whilst the people gathered there laughed at him. Jairus did not accept the human reality of the death of his daughter. He had the vision of seeing her alive again. He had faith in Jesus and he got off his butt and did somthing about it! Jesus saw from A-Z and knew that this was not the right time for the girls death. In Mike’s case, death on August 1st was a part of the plan. Neither Kathy or I had the conviction or vision to see Mike’s life past that moment. We did not bring Mike to Jesus.
So whilst we speculate what he would have been doing now, we realise he was not ment to go to Nexus in the first place and so the whole exercise is futile!