I had heard but now I see

February 10, 2010

 Job said in chapter 42 v 5 “I had heard but now I see”. I know what he means and its very hard to articulate except when we introduce the two realities, the physical and the spiritual. The difference between hearing about something and actually seeing is enormous. Faith comes by hearing the Word, but oh my giddy aunt, when you see it for yourself, faith shoots up the thermometer! All I can say is that I have “seen” God in inexpressible ways these past months.

Akila had this video on her blog that a friend of Laura’s had created. How do you or I respond?


We are Family

February 8, 2010

After getting Fitzy, Akila’s friend from Perth Australia, up for a sun rise run on the fells, we headed down to the lakes on Saturday. It was one of those days that you had to remind yourself that you were in England and not the South Island of New Zealand. Fitzy had prepared himself for what he thought would be an English winter. Amazing how we formulate perception of reality in our minds not based on experience, only to discover reality very different to our preconceived idea! The Lake District never disappoints as there is always beauty there, whether the sun is out or not. The reflections of the water were picture perfect. Always a great place to walk, think and reflect on life.



We are Family

In the last months I have pinched myself to realise that the four of us are family. It seems we are always together and I am not used to that! Akila had her own life from around 14 and then headed south for University, Mike was on the ship and when home was working. It often feels like someone is missing but we are all there! So we take the opportunity and take lots of photos. Kathy and I know that the girls will move on soon, so we cherish every moment and create lots of special moments.

You are awesome! Yes you who are reading this!

February 3, 2010

Can I just say how much I have been blessed, encouraged, helped and loved by you all. And now you think, yea but he does not know “I” read his blog. Well just accept that I do know! Whilst I have been selfish and use my blog to process, I also have received such gracious comments from you all. What I so want for all of us is authentic reality in our lives, especially those of us that would jump in the circle that says “Christian”.  Its so wonderful to journey through life with “real” people, especially those who dont look down their nose at me at some of my behaviour, not that I give a hoot if you do!!! But can I say a thank you to you all for your love to the four of us. I am soooooo blessed to have good mates. I am more aware than ever of the many hurts so many carry on a daily basis. Boy do we all need encouragement!

“You only live once, Dad”

February 1, 2010

February 1st, this is 6 months after Mike died. Kathy and I decided soon after Mike’s death that we needed to put into practice wisdom from others who have gone before, and so we said “no major decisions for 6 months”. During this time, that decision has time and time again been a God save. 

We woke this morning and went up to a hill at the foot of the Lake District called Callbeck. Its been a special place to us over this 6 months and God did not disappoint this time. We just sit and watch the sun come up and look over the whole Solway estuary looking from England to Scotland. 

Callbeck February 1st

For me this day had several meanings and several thoughts about what I wanted to do but not know how that would turn out. (Sorry this days blog may be long!). The song from my old school days was buzzing in my head: 

Morning Has Broken
Words by Eleanor Farjeon (1881-1965)

Morning has broken,
Like the first morning,
Blackbird has spoken
Like the first bird;
Praise for the singing,
Praise for the morning,
Praise for them springing
Fresh from the Word. 

Sweet the rain’s new fall,
Sunlit from heaven,
Like the first dewfall
On the first grass;
Praise for the sweetness,
Of the wet garden,
Sprung in completeness
Where his feet pass. 

Mine is the sunlight,
Mine is the morning,
Born of the one light
Eden saw play;
Praise with elation,
Praise every morning,
God’s re-creation
Of the new day. 

This song talks to me about the end of the night time, when that is marked by the birds singing the morning song, the fresh dew on the grass, God’s creation as it was in the Garden of Eden before sin destroyed it and the praise to God that every day is a new day with new opportunities. 

On the wall of my grandparents house was a Rams Horn. When my uncle, the last resident in that house died, Mike and I drove in a 3 1/2 tonner to Rickmansworth to pack up items no one else wanted. Mike took the Rams Horn. 

Mike's Rams Horn

When God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, He provided a ram that was stuck in a bush by the horns. The jews celebrate this on the 1st of Tishrei, the Jewish new year (Rosh Hashanah). 

Today for me, this is the end of the 6 months we as a family set aside. I had not realised but it was also subconsciously the time I had set aside to grieve. The morning has broken, God took my son, unlike Abraham, He did not give him back to me, but I want to on the 1st day of the new period, blow the horn and declare “Praise with elation Praise every morning, God’s re-creation, Of the new day”. Kathy and I six months ago had a decision, we were either going to curse God or Praise Him, we did not curse Him, how could we, He is sovereign and knows best. 

So Kathy and I sat in the car, watching the sun rise and prayed the following song to Our Father. 

Here I am, wholly available
As for me, I will serve the Lord
Here I am, wholly available
As for me, I will serve the Lord 

The fields are white unto harvest
But O, the labourers are so few
So Lord, I give myself to help the reaping
To gather precious souls unto You 

The time is right in the nation
For works of power and authority
God’s looking for a people who are willing
To be counted in His glorious victory 

As salt are we ready to savour?
In darkness are we ready to be light?
God’s seeking out a very special people
To manifest His truth and His might 

My dearest Kathy left her home to serve God and share the love He had shown her with others across the nations. She has lived overseas for 26 years and like the missionary of old, buried a love one on the journey. For those of us who have not lived thousands of miles from family for many years, this paragraph may read very dramatic. For Kathy to pray “Here I am, wholly available As for me, I will serve the Lord” is no small thing. 

So whilst we are still fragile, want to crawl in a hole, go to Australia, etc etc we live with Mike’s words to me echoing in our ears, “You only live once dad”, and so with the blowing of the horn, (by the river where Mike and I would throw stones) we will yet again put our lives on the altar and offer to God a “dosser, his wife and two lovely girls”.

Blowing the Rams Horn

Colossians “The lines of purpose in your lives never grow slack, tightly tied as they are to your future in heaven, kept taut by hope.”

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